as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And then he peed in my hair
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