i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
