Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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