you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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