I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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