Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
