mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
