Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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