We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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