you traded sex for a burrito?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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