GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
