I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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