Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
