You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
