She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
