i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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