Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
