I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
