TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
