I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
