You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
