I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
