Ambien. No doubt about it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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