That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
