I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
