I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
