He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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