i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
