Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
