Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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