so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am available for nakedness
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
