Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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