I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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