i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
