i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
