I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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