ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
