We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
