so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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