So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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