Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
