I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Drunk is a universal language darling
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
