If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
