does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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