We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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