Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
