in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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