wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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