never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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