After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
