So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
