i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
