I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
