I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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