Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
